Monday, December 26, 2011

The Last Radio Show

It's been a great run, man!

From the newly designated T.J. Trout studios, Trout's final show on his final day on the Duke City airwaves started, appropriately enough with The Doors' "The End" A fitting song for someone many people have often referred to as "that motherfucker" Trout himself called it "the most depressing finality song ever" 

T.J. Trout is not dead or dying (not to my knowledge anyway) he's retiring and leaving Albuquerque in his rear view mirrors. So much for my conspiracy theory of TJ Trout sitting out his non-competition period and then returning to Albuquerque airwaves as a talk show host. T.J.'s wife had already preceded him to Florida, the Trout's having already sold their Albuquerque home. 

In the end TJ Trout's midwestern roots won out and he moved down to Florida. I'm not certain how I feel about that. It does strip some of the sentiment from his choked up final farewell, knowing that his bags were packed and he couldn't wait to get the fuck out of town. All sentimental notions aside, it didn't take long for the show to go low brow, as T.J., Swami Rob and Rainman started reminiscing over the grossest moment in Morning Show history (turtle head girl)

They then segued into "the paintball incident." an intern torture that Trout sadly refers to as "the low point of my career." Though, Swami cheers T.J. up by reminding him that the paintball victim was also on the receiving end of a hand job from porn actress Jessica Drake. All's well that ends well as Rainman adds "At least we didn't have him call his dad while he was getting it."

What's the deal with the dead fish on the wall?

"How blackened is your soul?" T.J. asks Skyler after she admits to not caring for Avatar: 3-D. which she later describes as "two and a half hours of absolute stupidity" Skyler will join Swami and Rainman in the post T.J. version of The Morning Show. She sounds like Erica Viking, but that's where the similarities end. Sklyer plays the now familiar female yuckster, a role established by Robin Quivers on Howard Stern's show.

The transition won't be easy, the first show after T.J.'s departure (Dec. 22nd.) featured Swami Rob and Skyler. At times you could cut the tension with a knife. Swami's exchanges with Skyler were punctuated by awkward silence as they failed to synchronize their deliveries. It's safe to say that the quips and repartee did not flow without obvious effort. 

That was just practice, after Jan. 1st. the fate of 94-Rock will rest in their hands. If the ratings take a dip (and they most likely will) why not bring Erica Viking back? that's a formula that's been known to work. Or better yet, do as Joe Camel (or whoever voices that bit) suggested and make him the morning show host... I could listen to that, everyday. 

Swami Rob (Brothers) is a nice guy, he plays in a rock band (Ambient Trash) he's intelligent and at times mildly funny. He has a voice straight out of "Dead End Kids" which is strange, seeing how he grew up in New Mexico and graduated from Eldorado Hs. (must be a Far Northeast Heights accent) He started out as an intern at KZRR and has now worked his way up to morning show host.

Jer called in from Salida, Co. which led to an impromptu "Optimistic Outlook" Jer's patented rants "I hate Christmas, it's winter and it's like... there's nothing going on here, there's no work to be found, so you don't have any money, the days are about three hours long, it's cold, i wish i could say it, but this is radio, but... beep.... Christmas." Jer wraps it up with "now there's your optimistic outlook" 

Swami recites the familiar "A sappy song sticks in your head longer" that Jer would close with, "Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a vision and today is a hopeless bitch." When Jer tells Swami that he can't wait to see what direction the show takes without Trout, Rob declares "We've been sitting under you and Trout for the last seventeen years, we've learned a thing or two"  Trout tells Jer his influence was Yoda like, which leads Jer to say "Suck you will, people will like" while Rainman interjects with "I ain't shucking for you no more." 

T.J. returns from a break with "I've been getting e-mails saying "remember that one time" some of you guys have memories of crap I'd forgotten like ten years ago.... what? some of you guys have been taking notes? Jeez!" The farewell show plodded on as more guests came by or called in, Darren White, Paulie, Lente, Kapt Krunch, Martha from Martha's Body Bueno, Gary Johnson etc.

It all culminated with a round of tributes from Swami Rob, who explained that the best advice T.J. ever gave him was "You can come at this with some integrity and intelligence and still go to the toilet with the fart jokes" and  Rainman  who spoke of his father trying to convince him to stay in school by advising him to "Think about T.J. Trout, do you want to be that guy?"

And then following Rainbow's "Since you've been gone", and the Honeymooners theme song, T.J. had his final say.  "This is tough, the final decree, this is not an ending, I sincerely mean that."  T.J. named off the staff members at KZRR, "I could not have handpicked better people to work with,  You've enriched my life".... his voice then broke and he had to pause and gather himself.

"...enriched my life beyond all meaning, I'll miss the hell out off you guys, just to end this thing up, no words of great meaning or importance, take care of each other, love and teach your kids, be kind to your friends and family, right or wrong.  If you can, give the other guy a break. Think of me every once in a while and I'll try not to be a stranger, as I've done for the last twenty five years, see ya!"

Cue Happy Trails by Van Halen