Friday, June 10, 2011


On construction sites,  upon spotting this man someone would always declare: "There's a man with a job worse than mine.".. That poor sap was the guy who pumped out the portable toilets.  Though, once I found out how much he got paid I didn't feel sorry for him...still it was a shitty job.

I like CD Baby, I don't mean "I like them" although, they're o.k. I like them on Facebook, so every now and then I'll get their adverts on my sidebar. The one I got recently really piqued my interest, it was an ad, probably meant for musicians or bands and not smart ass bloggers.  

CD Baby has a service where they review your latest recordings (albums, cd's) For a set price they will produce a written document declaring your music worthy of anything. You can then post it on My Space Music, Facebook or pass it along to local promoters, talent agents etc.

Here's how it works: you put your money down and CD Baby's spin masters give you a glowing review of your album. What if your music really blows, would they tell you?  Of course not! you're paying them to say nice things about you. Everyday is a sunny day at CD Baby.

And now we meet the man who has a job worse than the shit pumper, the review writer at CD Baby. Can you imagine, everyday the boss plops down cd's on his desk and tells him "Bro, I got a good feeling you're really going to like these."  Those nervous ticks the guy suffers are from suppressing his true feelings.

I admit that CD Baby is one of my favorite whipping boys, their in-house writers will blow any amount of smoke up your ass, if it helps move product. It's a tough business, because who the hell buys cd's anymore? Recent figures show vinyl sales making a resurgence while cd sales continue to plummet.

Why pay them, when others will do it for free? for instance the fine folks at Klaus Kinski Kronikles sent this one along, although, I'm afraid something got lost in the translation. Feel free to use it, there's no charge and it works with any genre.. Guten Tag!
                                   Musik $chreiben 
Never judge, in order not to be judged, never submit in order not to be forced into submission. You would better be hot or at least cold, but you are just lukewarm. I spit on your ambitions, your talent is thin and dried up like a weed in the Sahara, which you will now water with your tears of rejection. My heart beats violently in my chest , yet I cannot express how much I detest this collection of noise and aggravation. I am at odds...this music makes me want to kill myself, yet I must live long enough to tell you how much I hate it. Then I must continue to live, in order to see your reaction to my remarks. Schwein! your evil knows no end, I piss on your pile of hammered little songs, so vile and crass like a Hamburg prostitute..........Thine own soul knows and thine own heart feels the pain and the horror!. I am impressed only by your futility, my urgency knows no bounds, your music sours my stomach, putting me in need of immediate release. Mischling!  you want the spotlight, you crave attention, Nein! you are denied such pleasures, you disgust are not worthy of my kritik...Scheissgesindel!

Recommended for those who like: Kraftwerk and Die Krupps
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